Who can tell the best joke?! (Page 3 of 5)

LMFAO

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and 
orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
out of each one in turn.

   When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in
Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we
drank together.

   So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves
it there.

   The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the
regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the
second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief,
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just
that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

"He still doesn't charge for mistakes! "
http://jbonamassa.com/tour-dates/
"Everybody wants ta get inta the act!"
“Now, this isn’t your ordinary party crowd, here.  I mean, there are professionals in here.”

So, this dyslexic walks into a bra........

How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

20.  One to screw it in and the other 19 to sit there and say how they could have done it better.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper?

He prayed to Santa.

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"

Nothing politically correct here, remember they're JOKES!!!!!

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs going over a fence?............Homer

What did the blonde girl say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?...........thanks for the refill.

What do the Starship Enterpise and a roll of toilet paper have in common?.........they both circle Uranus searching out Klingons.

Heard of the two Scottish gay guys?............Ben Dover & Phil McCracken

A brunette was out for a walk around the lake one day when she spotted her blonde friend on the other side, she yelled wait there I'll come over to the other side. The blonde yelled back, what do you mean you're already ON the other side.

What's long and hard on a bass player?............the 3rd grade.

What do you call a one legged girl against a wall?............Aileen

If she's Japanese?............Irene.

A black dude, an Irishman, and a Mormon were in a bar, the black dude brags, I've got 4 sons, one more and I'll have a basketball team. The Irishman says, oh yeah! I've got 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team. The Mormon laughs at them both and says, I've got 17 wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!!!

Maybe you know the two Irish gay guys?........Michael Fitzpatrick & Patrick Fitzmichael.

Stolen from Letterman,................Pitzer!!!! hell I didn't even kiss her.

What do you call a room full of women in Reno?............a full set of teeth.

What do you call a leper in your hot tub?............Stu

A contractor went to the labor hall and hired out an Irish guy, A black guy, and a Chinese guy for the day. He took them to his job site and asked, who knows how to layout a foundation? The Irish guy says, I've laid lots of them. He then asks who can dig a trench? The black guy says I've dug miles of trenches. He looks at the Chinese guy and says you go for supplies then. He comes back at the end of the day and likes what the two have done, but asks where is the Chinese guy? The two respond I don't know what he 's doing, but he's been behind that tree over there all afternoon. The contractor walks over to the tree and suddenly the Chinese guy jumps out from behind it and screams SUPPLIES!!!!!!

OK I think you've had enough, remember I'm not laughing AT YOU, I'm laughing with you.

                                                                                                              J Dawg

Shred,
I was wondering when something would surface about this!  I've always found great humor in ironic twists...this takes the prize...Mr. Clean...cracking down on crime...   This is NOT what I mean by standing by your man...these wives of these politicians must be getting advise from lawyers on the side, they get a bigger payoff if they stand by their man for the humiliating news conference, adds to pain & suffering payoffs... It sure doesn't look like the former governors of NY or NJ are good role models...I saw Heidi Fleiss  (sp) on a talk show the other night...now that was funny!!

I am wondering what kind of jokes will surface about this...probably not appropriate here!

And about some of those blonde jokes...I'm not sure if they are universal-world wide or more Americanized?  We don't want to offend any of our new Swedish friends! Yeah, and my daughter's a blondie, so it could be me.