Great quote thread (Page 7 of 11)

The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five. -Carl Sagan, astronomer and writer (1934-1996)

--Vik 

Here's one for all us lot in the UK who need to vote next month...Personally I'm voting for the Green Party  ...

PRIME MINISTER Gordon Brown today apologised "profusely" after he was caught on microphone branding a woman who spoke to him on the campaign trail "bigoted".

The PM's comments came as he was driven away from an event in Rochdale at which 65-year-old widow Gillian Duffy tackled him in front of the cameras about Britain's financial problems, taxes, student financing and immigration. 

(She was also a life long supporter of the Labour party I may add)

Unaware that his radio mike was still connected, Mr Brown told an aide that the encounter had been "a disaster" and said he should never have been made to speak with Mrs Duffy, adding: "She was just a bigoted woman."

OOps ooops and double ooops! 

"I removed the rear view mirror from my car last week and i hav`nt looked back since"

"A kid tossed a frisbee  at me, i could`nt tell what it was at first!!! Then it hit me"

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

...lol!... i love that!

"I'm busier than a 3 legged cat trying to bury turds on an ice pond" - source unknown

after expelling some serious trapped gas in the office one day, my secretary exclaimed out of the blue "Speak to me oh toothless wonder"....have no idea where she got it.

She get's a raise!

MuchRippingByYou
TheSecretaryReplies
aWonderIndeed

glad you revived this Brack. my son saw a sig line on somebody's FB the other day,

"Bad spellers of the world untie!"

Tres