• From: Boston, UK
  • Registered: 2008-02-18
  • Posts: 46

Topic: my dad

My dad always was an inspiration- especially when it came to music- he introduced me to most of my stuff- especially the clasic rock stuff and bluesy stuff- he was my hero- he was awesome and listened to the coolest music (that my mom hated!).  And he has not been so well in recent years.

And so for those that dont know- my dad died this morning. And to say that i am completely and utterly devastated- it doesnt even come close to how i am feeling right now. I have never hurt so bad in all my life. and in the later years- we werent so close- being separated by the great pond we like to call the Atlantic doesn't help. But despite all that- it hurts all the same if not... worse.
I have never attended a funeral and i always dreaded one for the fact that i dont know how i will react- but now i am scared of how i will react because just looking at my dads face in pictures and imagining him not alive anymore almost kills me with pain.
so much so im not sure i can continue writing further as i have been unable to see the screen since i typed the first sentence. im hoping to fly out this week. This was not the way i wanted to visit family again. This is not how i wanted to see my dad again. this was not how i wanted Caitlyn to see my dad again.

WHY? Why now? Is all i can ask myself. i wasnt ready for this. He was 50 years old. this is just killing me inside. How am i going to get throught the next 24 hours? Other than sheer determination and this blinding headache i have that wont go away god damnit.

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. please just rewind the last 24 hours so i can better prepare myself for this heartache.

Im done. And i guess Ill see you all when we get back... thanks everyone xxx

  • From: Orange County, NY
  • Registered: 2007-08-19
  • Posts: 574

Re: my dad

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your dad...I know how much it hurts.  I wasn't close to my dad either a few years before he died...but he knew that I loved him.  Parents just know.  There's no right or wrong way to react at a funeral, especially when it's for a parent.  You're grieving and hurting.  And even if you could rewind 24 hours, you'd still feel the same.  It's a terrible pain.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers...

Mindy

If heartaches were nickels
I'd be the richest fool alive
  • From: Benicia, Ca.
  • Registered: 2006-05-08
  • Posts: 5,828

Re: my dad

Amanda, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. I've lost both my parents and know that saddest of feelings, but my best advice is to focus on what he meant to you and all the good times and fond memories and most of all what part of him is a part of you.

                                                                                                    Peace,

                                                                                                    J Dawg

What is success? Is it do yo' own thang, or is it to join the rest?   -Allen Toussaint
  • From: Deep in the forest
  • Registered: 2007-02-11
  • Posts: 5,296

Re: my dad

I'm sorry..You just have to let yourself feel your grief. A funeral is a ritual of closure. The final earthly rite. Let those who know this pain reach out and help. One second, one moment, one hour....that's how you find a way to go on. Look at your Daughter and you'll know why. Again, I'm so sorry your are in such pain. Your Bonabuddies will be here.  Cathy

  • From: Central PA, USA
  • Registered: 2007-11-18
  • Posts: 1,037

Re: my dad

I'm so sorry to read about your loss.  I can identify with losing a parent, as I lost my Mom 5 1/2 years ago.  Let yourself grieve, and trust that things will get better with time.

--Vik cool

  • gsj
  • gsj
  • BONAMETAL
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  • From: North Essex, England
  • Registered: 2006-09-21
  • Posts: 2,149

Re: my dad

Amanda, there isn't the right words....I'm so sorry for you. My Dad died suddenly some years ago....I hated him for leaving my Mum...and love him for being my Dad. Time helps....be strong for those around you.

In my prayers...

Geoff

never give up, never slow down
never grow old, never ever die young
  • Registered: 2006-12-28
  • Posts: 3,742

Re: my dad

I'm very sorry for your loss Amanda...I probably dont have the words to make you feel better...sounds like your dad is one I wish I had...try and remember the good times, it will make things easier...everything takes time, grieving is part of the healing dont fight it...wish you and your family nothing but the best

Dave

  • From: Indianola, IA
  • Registered: 2006-07-26
  • Posts: 4,429

Re: my dad

Dear Amanda,
      I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing.  Your memories are a keepsake of time that lives forever in your heart.  I haven't lost either one of my parents, but I lost my brother to a suicide when he was only 41, and it truly is only time that takes the sharpness away.  I will pray for you and your family to find peace, strength, and courage.
                                                                                                         
                                              My ? to your ?
                                                      Patty

"Perhaps the stars in the sky, are loved ones letting us know they are near,
      by guiding us thru the night...."

"I'm not nice to any guitar!"      lol
                 Joe Bonamassa 05-03-12

JBLP CHILD #184
  • From: Crystal Lake, Il.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 5,120

Re: my dad

Amanda,
I am truly sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
I lost both of my parents within the last 8 years, but under vastly different circumstances (dad was 84, mom was 83). I know how tough that was and cannot begin to imagine losing a parent when they are so young.
Losing someone you love is a hurt that never goes away, but eventually the ache becomes less and you are able to remember the good times and smile.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you find strength during these difficult times.
Bill S

"Rock ON & Keep the Faith"
  • From: Tampa, Fl.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 870

Re: my dad

Dear Amanda,
I'm so sorry for your loss- I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now.  My heartfelt sympathies go out to you and your family.

Scott

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things." - Woody Allen

http://www.last.fm/user/skynyrd128
  • From: Indy area
  • Registered: 2006-06-20
  • Posts: 245

Re: my dad

I'm so sorry for your pain, Amanda.  You're never ready for something like this, no matter how old or young you are, or your parent is, no matter if you've had a good relationship or one that was strained.   Let  yourself feel the hurt and the loss.  It's part of the grieving process.  Let others share their grief as well as their memories with you, with your daughter.  Accept the consolation of your friends and loved ones, knowing they care about you.

Great musicians have a language & vocabulary that transcends the usual barriers & touches us on a more primitive , basic & yet complex level....

...I'll always have London in my heart, and in my soul...
  • From: Kansas
  • Registered: 2007-10-12
  • Posts: 375

Re: my dad

I am sorry.  May he RIP.

Well, the night I was born
Lord I swear the moon turned a fire red
  • From: Amsterdam
  • Registered: 2007-10-06
  • Posts: 5,249

Re: my dad

Dear Amanda,

Firstly my sincere sympathy and condolences on the loss of your father. Alas, I know better than many just what kind of horror you're going through right now. I also know that no words help right now and that there are no 'right' words. As Cathy already said, you have to grieve now - and that's a process that's different for all of us. However it hits you these first days - let it out. Feel no shame about any reaction - cry, scream, curse, whatever.

Please don't hesitate to get in touch if you think my experience may be of any use or comfort to you. I wish you courage and fortitude for the coming days.

Take care,

George

RIP Iron Man

Rock On and keep the Faith
  • From: West Yorkshire, England
  • Registered: 2007-08-02
  • Posts: 1,587

Re: my dad

Dear Amanda. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have not had that pain to suffer yet but in the last 6 months I know  about a dozen people, friends and relatives who have suffered such a loss. Every one is a heartache and everyone deals with it differently. Life can be so unfair and death even more so. Don't hold it in, whatever you're feeling. I wish you strength in the coming days.
The sun will shine again and you will smile again.
In deepest sympathy

Chris

  • From: Wheeling, IL
  • Registered: 2006-12-07
  • Posts: 618

Re: my dad

Amanda, I'm heartily sorry for your loss which is doubly painful since your dad was so young. The loss of a parent is inevitable but still one of most difficult things to have to face in life. The funeral is important but find ways to honor your father once the rituals are over and everyone has gone home. Grieve as long as you need to and get over it when you're ready to get over it. Someday the pain will be gone and your dad will have a treasured place in your heart. Count on that during this trying time.

I'm just saying.
  • From: Near Crewe, UK
  • Registered: 2008-02-23
  • Posts: 162

Re: my dad

Amanda,

No words right now can ease the pain & loss you are feeling... my own Dad died when he was only 50 too, I was 18... he had been ill but his death was very sudden and unexpected. Nothing can prepare you for it or how to cope with it. Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve in the way that you need to.

Your wonderful Dad will always be with you and the memories will become less painful in time, who he was and all that he gave you will never die.

Deepest condolences xx

Cheshire_Lass/Libby smile  (Bonabaptised: 22 Feb '08)

If I'm alive when I'm 99 I'm still gonna be saying, "Remember 4th May 2009 when we saw Joe at the RAH... what a night that was!"
  • From: Edgewater, FL
  • Registered: 2007-12-08
  • Posts: 5,046

Re: my dad

I will not share my horror story here, very few know how much weight I really carry.  I am such a goofball most of the time.  But that's real, too.  That's why I'm a bluesman.

My world is my wife and kids.  My parents are gone, along with most of my old friends.  There are greater forces at work here.  Forces we will not understand, more often than not.  They do not consult with me prior to exercising their perogative.  I am just one man.  It's irritating for one of my monumental ego.

Ah but I have crystal clear hindsight.  And I STILL don't understand some of it.  A funeral is for the living.  It is fitting and proper that we close out that chapter.  Grieve on! 

It is the circle of life.  I accept.  That does not stop the grief or the anger or worse yet: the guilt or feeling inadequate.  This too shall pass, however.

You have my sincerest condolences.  My wife leaned on me when her dad passed.  We talked it out.

muchlove
bigjeff

Rock On & Keep the FAITH
             It is
Blues From the Bottoms

bigjeffjones's Website

  • susan
  • susan
  • BONAMETAL
  • Offline
  • From: Lake Mary, FL/USA
  • Registered: 2006-11-08
  • Posts: 1,079

Re: my dad

Amanda,
I am so sorry you are hurting so much. Losing a parent at such a young age must be devastating.   I still have both my parents but they are not in the best of health and are getting on up in years.  So, for now, I can only imagine how much it hurts.

I know there is nothing I can say to make it better.  I just wanted to wish you my sincerest sympathy.

Susan

"Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding"