Texas ramblings...

Random thoughts about Texas:

Texas drivers turn into wired chimpanzees once they're behind the wheel.  Some of the moves I saw could only have been performed by the chimps in the old Red Rose Tea commercials.  (ooo aaa ooo aaa...Red Rose, Red Rose...)  Anyway, there's a reason for this.....most exit signs are either on the wrong side of the freeway, or, right on top of the exit.  Once I understood the rules (there are no rules...), I was OK.....

I only saw one highway patrolman from DFW to Dallas, and then from Dallas to Austin.....one.  And he was assisting someone that had broken down.  Bravo!  Protect and Serve.....not Hide and Shake Down.....

Allen's Boots in Austin is THE place to go for boots.....just ask Joe.....

Whenever you rent a car, make sure you understand what all the buttons are for before you attempt 90 mph on the freeway.  I rented a Cadillac SRX that had a thousand more buttons than I had clues.  I did manage to get the roof open on the way into Dallas, but at some point I hit the button for the driver's seat heater, and had no idea how to shut it off.  Sun blazing over my head, and the seat blazing beneath me.  I guess you could say the Cadillac was burnin' ME at both ends.  Oh, the irony.....

I think the only one I heard say "y'all", was me.....

God Bless the Bike People in Austin!!  I made the mistake of walking from my parked car to the festival grounds.....once.  It had to be a freakin' mile.....and it was 90+ degrees out.  For 10 bucks or so you can hire what looks like a bicycle rickshaw, sit back and enjoy the scenery, while your "pedalist" does all the work in front of you.  It's also important to remember:  Ladies, choose a well built male driver.  Men, choose a well built female driver.  Trust me on this.....

I highly recommend the Hawthorne Suites hotel on Posada Dr. in Austin.  I'd tell ya how to get there, but it took me two hours of on the freeway, off the freeway, back on, back off, etc. every night to find it.  But it was worth it.  Beautifully laid out mini condos, mine having a king sized bed, sleeper sofa, fireplace, and full kitchen for 80 something +tax per night.  Granted, that was a package price with the festival, but I think that only knocked off about 10 bucks a night.....

If you happen to rent a car that has Bose speakers, try to refrain from cranking Joe's "Just Got Paid" up to 11 while sitting in the hotel parking lot at 4 in the morning with the windows down.....you may not be as lucky as I was.....

Hats off to the police and security at the ACL!!  Not that I would EVER consider doing this, you understand.....but after catching that unmistakable smell in the air, I asked a security guard that I had befriended (Jesse) what the policy was for dealing with smoking reefer on the premises.  Yer gonna love this....."If they do it in front of me, I ask them to please don't do that in front of me.  If they don't move, I ask them again.  If they still won't move, I call my supervisor.  He asks them to please don't do that in front of him.  If need be, he'll ask them again.  Then, if they STILL won't move, the supervisor gets a cop.....who may or may not go through the same routine.  But at that point, it's moot.....they deserve to be arrested for being that stupid."

Do NOT walk under a tree in South Austin.  You'll notice that the pavement directly under the tree is completely white.  Consider this to be nature's way of saying Do Not Enter.  It seems that the world's population of grackles has taken a liking to Austin.....and they all live in those trees.  And.....at dusk, they ALL go back into the trees, and proceed to yell at each other.....loudly.  Think Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds".  Square biz.....it's spooky.  It ain't for the faint of heart.....

Joe's cartoon t-shirt is a phenomenal conversation starter.....it should be the official uniform of the street team.  Every time I wear it, strangers come up to me and ask me who it is.  Every time.  It's like a freakin' magnet.....

5th and 6th Sts. in Austin are a music lover's Mecca.  It may go beyond that, but I only had two nights.  Antone's was a favorite of mine.  Sunday night I saw a band called Spoonfed Tribe there.....very good, very tight, very unusual.  Kind of a progressive rock/blues/jazz/tribal thang.  Somebody in the crowd mentioned that there were 4 strippers on stage with the band too, but I hadn't noticed.  No, really.....I didn't see any strippers up there.  Honest.  What???

Live From Nowhere in Particular never left the CD player in my car.....and it was crankin'.....

There's an Interstate highway down there called I-35E that goes from Dallas to Austin.  Trouble is, Austin is south of Dallas, so yer MapQuest directions say "Take I-35E S toward Waco - go 56.7 mi"  (Huh??)  Half way to Waco, there's another 35.....I-35W.....that travels NORTH to Ft. Worth.  What a great sense of humor the highway dept. down there has.  I didn't see any I-35S or I-35N, but I think it would be safe to assume they would both travel east and west.  Like I said earlier, there are no rules.  My guess is, it's all a part of the "Keep Austin Weird" campaign (yes, that's the name of the campaign...), because you would need to be weird to be able to understand those convoluted Interstate signs.  Or, maybe Austin wants all the wacko's left in Waco, because I-35E turns into plain old I-35 once yer past Waco.  Obviously, I'm weird (duh...), but not yet at the wacko stage.....cuz I made it.....

I only spent one night in Dallas, so there ain't much to tell, other than the HOB show.  The gig was absolutely stellar.....thank you Joe, AND Back Door Slam.  And the Dallas HOB is a perfect venue.....great sound system and lighting, helpful and friendly staff, comfortable seating, all with a great view of the stage, etc., etc.  But.....getting IN to the place made me feel like I was visiting someone at the State Pen.  As I watched people emptying their pockets and purses, and having a wand passed over them, I recalled hearing about their "No photos, or you die" policy.  I thought they were looking for cameras, so I hiked back to my car, and ditched mine.  Once inside, as the show was to start.....an announcement was made that no "FLASH" photography was allowed.  Thanks for making that clear before I took my camera back to the car.  I coulda filmed the damn thang.  I guess that's what I get for assuming anything.  I mentioned it to Joe on Sunday, and he told me that they've had to check for weapons when they host a Hip Hop or Rap band.  I immediately changed from being pissed off to grateful.....thank God someone is doing something about the scourge of weapons at blues shows.....especially JB and BDS gigs.....

And the only other thang that bothered me the entire weekend:

When are smokers going to revolt against being treated as lepers?  I happen to smoke, but I'd feel the same if I didn't.  The amount of taxes on a pack of cigarettes is obscene, and yet the smoker has 0 rights.  I can understand not allowing smoking in a restaurant (kinda, although I think accommodations could be made...), but a BAR??  C'mon.....drinking and smoking go together like peanut butter and jelly.  It's a bar!!  Instead of spending millions of dollars drafting legislation outlawing smoking in public places, and policing it, why not allocate that money for smoke eaters where necessary, and make EVERYONE happy?  Not politically correct enough, I suppose.  You can, however, smoke anytime you want to at an airport.....as long as you go outside.  There's just the minor inconvenience of having to go through security again.  It's sheer lunacy.....

I didn't meet one @sshole in Texas.....not one.  From the cops to the homeless, everyone was cool.  I had a homeless guy jump out in front of my car in Austin, but he was alerting me to a parking space that I probably would have missed.  So after I parked, I asked him if he wanted a beer, and we went inside Fado's Irish Pub, I believe.  When we had finished the beer, he said that he could really use 10 bucks.  I said "I'll give you five, and I bought you a beer.  That seems more than fair for a parking space, and, no offense, but just in case you think yer gonna sponge off me for the rest of the night, it just ain't gonna happen".  He sez "Yer right, thank you..." and disappeared.  Even the street hustlers in Austin are cool and classy.....

Before my time is through, I hope to be living in Austin.  That's how much that town impressed me.....