• From: crewe, england
  • Registered: 2008-02-25
  • Posts: 39

Topic: new joke

paddy buys two goldfish and names them 1 and 2, Why is that says mick ???
Paddy says 'if one dies ive still got two !!!'

  • Geoff
  • Geoff
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  • From: Moreton, Wirral, England
  • Registered: 2006-09-26
  • Posts: 1,603

Re: new joke

got in the back of a cab the other day and told him where I wanted to go....

a few minutes later I needed to ask him to stop by an ATM for some cash so I tapped him on the shoulder. As soon as I did, he nearly jumped out of his seat and exclaimed that I had nearly freightened him to death! "Why's that" I said

"Well", he said, "I only started this job yesterday. I drove a hearse for a living before that!"

Geoff

Geoff O

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  • eva
  • eva
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  • From: germany
  • Registered: 2007-03-15
  • Posts: 1,885

Re: new joke

A Scot and a Londoner meet on a bridge on a foggy night in London town - they both lean over the egde of the bridge and then look at each other...

The Londoner asks the Scot: "Did you come here to die?"

The Scot answers: "No, I came here yesterday."


Gotta read it loud with the right acent! lol

Eva

  • From: Amsterdam
  • Registered: 2007-10-06
  • Posts: 5,249

Re: new joke

The forum elders have come up with a catch phrase for our generation -

'What do we want?'

'I don't know.'

'When do we want it?'

'Want what?'

RIP Iron Man

Rock On and keep the Faith
  • Matt
  • Matt
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  • From: N. Ireland
  • Registered: 2007-04-07
  • Posts: 311

Re: new joke

lol Roy, we aren't that bad......honest roll

Here's one (the only one i can currently remember lol)

A man and his wife are doing their weekly shopping and the man sees that they are doing a case of beer for £10 and goes to put it in the trolley. The wife objects, however, reminding him they need to budget and can't afford unnecessary items. A couple of isles later the wife sees  her favourite beauty cream for £20 and as she picks it up her husband reminds her of the budget. "But this makes me look beautiful" she says. The husband looked at her and replied "So does the case of beer and its only half the price".

Matt

  • From: derby,england
  • Registered: 2007-11-19
  • Posts: 363

Re: new joke

blonde and a brunette watching the evening news,the main report was a man 50feet up on the ledge of a building.the brunette says" i,ll bet you £50 the man jumps" the blonde says "ok".eventually the man does jump the blonde says"i owe you £50"the brunette says "i can,t take your money i saw the report earlier today on the news" the blonde says "so did i but i did,nt think he,d do it again"

It's very far away
It take's about a half and a day to get there
If we travel by my uh, dragon fly
  • From: Crystal Lake, Il.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 5,120

Re: new joke

A 78 year old man is at home, on his deathbed.
He does not have much time to live and his five grown children and eight grandchildren have gathered at his bedside.
They are distraught for they cannot bear the thought of him passing.
The man attempts to comfort them:
Please children, do not weep. I am 78 years old and have lived a full and happy life.
Your mother and I have raised five wonderful children and I couldn't be prouder of each of you.
We have eight wonderful grandchildren that are well on their way to their own success and happiness.
And I have been married for over 50 years to the most wonderful woman on this green earth.
She has been a great companion, a wonderful friend and an outstanding cook as well. Even now I can smell my favorite apple tarts baking in the other room. he turns to one of his children "Sarah, be a dear and run to the kitchen and fetch one of those apple tarts from your mother".
Sarah returns empty handed..."She says you can't have any, they're for the funeral"!

"Rock ON & Keep the Faith"