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Joe Bonamassa Forum → Off Topics → Do we have a joke page..?
I thought i would do a search for the Idolbone original !
Why,thankyou very much! By the way,a long lost tribe-The phek'arwi tribe of pygmies -has been found in the jungles of south america this week.The name? Comes from when they jump up and down in the long,jungle grass shouting
Why,thankyou very much! By the way,a long lost tribe-The phek'arwi tribe of pygmies -has been found in the jungles of south america this week.The name? Comes from when they jump up and down in the long,jungle grass shouting
"Where the phek'arwi?where the phek'arwi?"
@ Phil!
My mate is 7 foot 6 inches tall; the other week he went for a job as a life guard. They asked him if he was a strong swimmer. "No", he replied, "but I can wade out a hell of a long way.."
I thank you.
Mike
A horse walks into a bar carrying a set of jump-leads.
Barman says, "Don't mind the long face, but you better not start anything....."
And this one for my wonderful UK friends who live over the Big Pond...
Roy 
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.
"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"
"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"
"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "In my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"
"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"
"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
And this one for my wonderful UK friends who live over the Big Pond...
Roy
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.
"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"
"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"
"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "In my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"
"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"
"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
Excellent ! Now that's what this place has been missing! Made me laugh Roy 
BluesMan wrote:And this one for my wonderful UK friends who live over the Big Pond...
Roy
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.
"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"
"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"
"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "In my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"
"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"
"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
Excellent ! Now that's what this place has been missing! Made me laugh Roy
Yeah, me too, and the girls in the office are howling! 
edit: A rough bunch here. Sexual innuendo is graded!
Old Fred, an 84 year old widower takes Mable, an 80 year old widow out for the night. After one too many port & brandy's and the odd game of bingo they end up back at Mable's place.
The following morning Fred's laying there in Mable's bed thinking to himself "Blimey, if I'd known she was still a virgin I'd have been a bit more gentle with her".
Mable's laying there thinking "Blimey, if I'd known he could still get it up I'd have taken my tights off".
Old Fred, an 84 year old widower takes Mable, an 80 year old widow out for the night. After one too many port & brandy's and the odd game of bingo they end up back at Mable's place.
The following morning Fred's laying there in Mable's bed thinking to himself "Blimey, if I'd known she was still a virgin I'd have been a bit more gentle with her".
Mable's laying there thinking "Blimey, if I'd known he could still get it up I'd have taken my tights off".
Another goodie , wonder if Rick's "rough bunch" are still laughing!
gsj wrote:Old Fred, an 84 year old widower takes Mable, an 80 year old widow out for the night. After one too many port & brandy's and the odd game of bingo they end up back at Mable's place.
The following morning Fred's laying there in Mable's bed thinking to himself "Blimey, if I'd known she was still a virgin I'd have been a bit more gentle with her".
Mable's laying there thinking "Blimey, if I'd known he could still get it up I'd have taken my tights off".
That one passed muster too. 
Old Fred, an 84 year old widower takes Mable, an 80 year old widow out for the night. After one too many port & brandy's and the odd game of bingo they end up back at Mable's place.
The following morning Fred's laying there in Mable's bed thinking to himself "Blimey, if I'd known she was still a virgin I'd have been a bit more gentle with her".
Mable's laying there thinking "Blimey, if I'd known he could still get it up I'd have taken my tights off".
An elderly gent overheard his wife of many years while sipping her evening glass of wine say, oh how I love you, you've always been there for me, how would I ever get along without you? To this he replied, is that you or the wine talking? She replied, it's me talking to the wine! Bada Boom!
Think Green,
J Dawg
(Apologies for any stereotyping here,folks!)
Jose is driving his mini-van along the Texan border when pulled over by the cops -'Excuse me sir'says the cop,'don't you realise the limit on this highway is 55?' Jose leans over into the back and says,"See,i told you,three of you will have to get out"..............
Sorry, a bit long but still funny.
Roy
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking,
the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and
eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool
table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in
his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you
see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight.
Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and
leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a
drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing
his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it
up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and
eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and
ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in
sight, but ever since he had to sh*t that cue ball out, he measures everything first now."
An oldie but goodie Roy 
Christmas was so expensive this year,the wife had to sell one of her kidneys to help pay for it.if things get much worse I may have to cancel sky sports. . . .
Joe Bonamassa Forum → Off Topics → Do we have a joke page..?
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