Topic: Do we have a joke page..?
If not...
A duck was waiting to cross the road,when a chicken approached and said "Don't do it mate,you'll never hear the last of it..."
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Joe Bonamassa Forum → Off Topics → Do we have a joke page..?
If not...
A duck was waiting to cross the road,when a chicken approached and said "Don't do it mate,you'll never hear the last of it..."
If not...
A duck was waiting to cross the road,when a chicken approached and said "Don't do it mate,you'll never hear the last of it..."
idolbone, I believe this is a perfect example of why there is a lack of thread.
Rick
idolbone, i actually liked it
idolbone, i actually liked it
I liked it too!
If not...
A duck was waiting to cross the road,when a chicken approached and said "Don't do it mate,you'll never hear the last of it..."
There was a few years back, if you dig deep enough you'll find it. Or Bonametal might dig it out for us, c'mon Jane you're the best at archiving around here.
Think Green,
J Dawg
An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe, the captain says worriedly, " I don't like the sound of those drums." The chief says, " I know, It's not our regular drummer." ........ Boom Boom.. Tizzzz!!
~ Brack ~
I remember submitting some of my favorites to one of those joke threads a while back... I'm too lazy to post them again, so go look for 'em...
--Vik
From Robin Williams recent HBO Special:
A teenage son walks in on his parents in the throws of passionate love making, the father looks up to see the horrified look on his sons face as he runs off to his own room. The father composes himself and decides to talk to his son about his experience. As he approaches his sons room he hears loud moaning and as he opens the door he discovers his son shagging the daylights out of his grandmother. The father is speechless as the son looks up and says, not so funny when its your mother is it?
Even funnier as Robin told this impersonating Walter Cronkite. LOL!
Think Green,
J Dawg
A blind guy and his seeing-eye dog walks into JC Penney, goes to the men's department, picks his dog up by the tail, and starts twirling the dog around his head. Everyone is horrified. The manager walks up to him and asks "Can I help you sir," to which the blind guy replies, "No, we're just looking around." YES!
This one happened to me and my dad a few nights ago. I don't care whether it's funny or not, we all thought it was funny.
Dad: Is Sulu from Star Trek dead?
Me: No. He's gay.
And this from the current issue of Playboy's Party Jokes:
A man and his wife were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Saturday morning when he turned to her and said, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all of my possessions."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure you would eventually remarry," he said, "and I don't want some a**hole using my stuff."
The wife replied, "What makes you think I'd marry another a**hole?"
Drum roll....cymbal crash......
Roy
You guys are all joking, right? These AREN'T the best jokes you can come up with, right? Ducking for cover...
Rock ON & Keep the Faith,
Rocket
At first I thought this was a joke, but after absorbing it, maybe its not. To Jim M.-This is not meant to be a political rant, hopefully I'm not in trouble for the laugh you'll have when you read this.
The Fix
There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg Fl. Times.
The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?"
I think this guy nailed it!
_____
Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered and Auto Industry is fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage. Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that!!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes...
Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
I fit that description. Sign me up and someone can have my job!
Rick
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice fingers.
-----------
Ithankya.
Hypnotist at Senior Center
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and over 300
seniors came to see the show.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance;
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat 'I want you each to keep your
eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in
my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch... '
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,
light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes
followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
'S@#T!' said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
It's Friday afternoon (well, it is in London) and time for a joke. It might be an oldie, but it's still amusing.
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good
Male readers:
Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
so this dyslexic guy walks into a bra......................................
We had a joke page at one time, I think the system ate some of it in the last 30 days? good for the server!
Tres
And away we go again.....
Scientist have found women find certain characteristics attractive in a man depending on her ...cycle.When she's about to ovulate,strong ,rugged,rugby types are top of her list.When two days into her cycle,she prefers a man who's dowsed in petrol,set-a b*****d light,with scissors stabbed in his eyes and a f'kin cricket stump rammed up his 'kin a***...... (sorry!)
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