Starship Bonamassa, Captain Roy and the UISTAPCO (Page 3 of 7)

millhouse wrote:

Now that you have a steady hand onboard in the shape of your new first engineer millhouse there will be no more shenanigans unless I am involved.

PS I have a steady supply of dilythium crystals which my good friend Spock gets me from the USSE.

AND WHAT IS A CAPTAIN'S LOG?

Would he have had too much to eat before producing one?

Beam me up

millhouse

1st Engineer Mill,

This is your Captain and we MUST get a couple of things cleared up right away.

First, our ship does not run on dilythium crystals, so you might as well open the Engineering window and chuck them into outer space. Please refer to the engine requirements of our ship which are detailed on page 1 of this document and another page of a different document entitiled "Dirt in my pockets dirt on my shoes". However, I shall give you a brief explanation of what our propulsion system is comprised of. Our propulsion system is the radically new system based on the "Flush Drive" designed and built by B. Bowles Industries of North Carolina. The flush drive system uses the crews solid waste material (poop) and vaporizes it into the greatest known source for hydrogen fusion known to man. You should also know that we have and endless supply of this solid waste material (poop).  Once you become more familiar with this crew, you too will know they are FULL OF IT (poop)! So no need to worry about running out of GAS!

Second, regarding my "Captain's Log" that you were questioning. I have only "produced" a "log" of that nature and size once in my life as a preparation for a colonoscopy when I was about 52 years old. Lt. Cmdr. G had suggested, that since I was past the age of 50, that I have this procedure done. I went to Starbase Menomonee Falls Hospital/Ambulatory Clinic where this procedure was performed by Dr. Ben Dover.  In all of my life, I felt I had seen and done everything. However, I can tell you now, that Dr. Ben Dover, "Went Where No Man Had Gone Before", if you catch my drift!! In any case, the procedure was a success removing 3 polyps from this unexplored region of our galaxy.

Thank You and Carry On,

Capt. Roy BluesMan UISTAPCO (United Interstellar Space Travel And Party Central Organization)

Dear Crew,

Because Major co-Pilot Michael's PC is down for 2 weeks, I have decided that he and I will make an advanced trip to planet BluesRock to make sure that their Pitman Music Theatre is well prepared for Mr.'s Bonamassa, Bowles, Melick and Rojas performance there. I have decided not to take Shuttle Corolla because we just took shipment of a new Shuttle called "Super Cool" which is designed and built by RINY (Rojas Inductries of New York) and I must say, it sure looks it's name! Not only is Shuttle Super Cool much faster than Shuttle Corolla, it has a sense of excellent styling all it's own. Yes, I am trying  to impress the BluesRockonians with our brand new Shuttle and with the looks of this vehicle it reminds me of the old saying, "If you got it, flaunt it!" I am leaving Lt. Cmdt. G in charge of our Starship Bonamassa because of her excellent leadership and of course she did just beat out Lt.'s Shred and J Dawn in Saturday night's "Sloe Gin" shot competition. Frankly, I've never seen anyone take a 16 ounce frozen beer mug, fill it with sloe gin and drink it without pausing to take a breath. In additon, the licking of sloe gin remnants that remained in the glass by Lt. Cmdr. G surprised most crew members, but I've seen her do that many times before.

I will keep you all posted as to this advance mission to our final destination. Lt.Cmdr. G you have the Com.

Capt. Roy

Rocket wrote:

Enough! All I've got to do is push this button and...

Is the big red Easy button, if so, whatever you do, DON'T push it.  We will all be transformed over to the Britney Spears message board!!!