55 Reply by eva

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  • From: germany
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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Angela wrote:

And about some of those blonde jokes...I'm not sure if they are universal-world wide or more Americanized?  We don't want to offend any of our new Swedish friends! wink Yeah, and my daughter's a blondie, so it could be me.

Angela, jokes about blondes are as worldwide as can be - that´s all just PURE envy lol

Here´s one more:

Why does the blonde girl walk around in the bathroom after washing her hair?
Because it says "wash and go" on the poultice of the shampoo.

Eva

  • From: derby,england
  • Registered: 2007-11-19
  • Posts: 363

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

two snowmen in a field one turns to the other and says   " can you smell carrots"

It's very far away
It take's about a half and a day to get there
If we travel by my uh, dragon fly

57 Reply by gsj (edited by gsj 2008-03-13 18:07:57)

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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Two chickens standing at the side of the road.

The first one says "I think I'll cross over."

The second one says "Wouldn't do that if I were you.....we'll never hear the last of it."

never give up, never slow down
never grow old, never ever die young
  • From: Edgewater, FL
  • Registered: 2007-12-08
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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

A man goes in to rob a bank. He gets in line. He robs the teller, and shoots the teller.

The robber turns to the person in back of him and says, "Did you see me shoot the teller?"

The frightened person says, "Yes."

The robber shoots the man.

The robber then looks at the next person in back of him and says, "Did you see me shoot the teller and this man?"

The guy, trembling says, "Um...yes I did."

The robber shoots this man also.

The robber then looks at a couple (man and woman) in back of him and says, "Did you see me rob the teller and shoot these people?"

The man quickly speaks up and says, "No, but my wife did."

Rock On & Keep the FAITH
             It is
Blues From the Bottoms

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59 Reply by gsj (edited by gsj 2008-03-13 18:16:13)

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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

How do you catch gay mice?

With a poofy cat.

(With apologies to anyone that may ride the bus in the opposite direction, so to speak smile )

never give up, never slow down
never grow old, never ever die young
  • From: derby,england
  • Registered: 2007-11-19
  • Posts: 363

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

did you hear about the blonde girl who bought an am radio.it took her 3 months to find out she could listen to it at night

It's very far away
It take's about a half and a day to get there
If we travel by my uh, dragon fly
  • From: Crystal Lake, Il.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 5,120

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Deezer wrote:

These jokes are funny, but they're against women, so any of you people don't want to read this then move on. NOTE: every girl I've ever told these to (many) have laughed their butts off.

Want to hear a joke?
Women's rights.

Why should women always wear white?
Because the dishwasher should match the refrigerator.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her wash the dishes in the dark

Why are women's feet smaller?
So they can stand closer to the sink.

Why is it called PMS?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

And lastly, my favorite: Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

Ok, one more in poor taste:
How do you turn a dishwaher into a snowblower?
Hand the b**ch a shovel!

"Rock ON & Keep the Faith"
  • From: Crystal Lake, Il.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 5,120

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Apologies to Rodney:

My wife said she liked to talk on the phone during sex...
she asked me to call her!

She said she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car...
she wanted ME to drive!

Someone asked me if I was a leg man, a breast man or an a** man.
I said I must be an a** man, because whenever I walk down the street, people yell at me: Hey, you're an a**, man!

More to come.

"Rock ON & Keep the Faith"
  • From: Southern New Jersey, USA
  • Registered: 2006-04-23
  • Posts: 2,966

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Eva, From this point forward, I need to consult with you on all matters of European culture etc., before I open my big mouth lol Envy... hair dye companies did use to advertise- blondes have more fun...the 16 year old Swedish girl also happens to look exactly like Charlize Theron, so I think people are taken back by her beauty along with her white-blonde locks. http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/ … sleep.html
Now about your joke, it went over my head...I don't think the word poultice has a universal meaning that I can understand, could be getting lost in translation or something...  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/poultice    Or maybe I have blonde DNA...:D

eva wrote:
Angela wrote:

And about some of those blonde jokes...I'm not sure if they are universal-world wide or more Americanized?  We don't want to offend any of our new Swedish friends! wink Yeah, and my daughter's a blondie, so it could be me.

Angela, jokes about blondes are as worldwide as can be - that´s all just PURE envy lol

Here´s one more:

Why does the blonde girl walk around in the bathroom after washing her hair?
Because it says "wash and go" on the poultice of the shampoo.

Eva

StringsforaCURE~Helping cancer patients one STRING at a time.
http://stringsforacure.com/

Angela's Website

64 Reply by eva

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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

OMG, Angela -

Now we got the next thing going! The stupid speedo-loving blondes lost in translation (well, you´re not blonde, are you?! But at least one of us is blonde....). lol

O.k., how can I expalain this "poultice" thing?! I didn´t know what the German word "Packung" means in English - is it just called "package" or what? I meant the thing in which you keep the shampoo ...... well, so I looked it up in the dictionary and it said "Packung = poultice". The thing I didn´t think about was that the German word has TWO meanings:
1. Packung = the "packaging" of something
2. Packung = poultice = something you put on your skin to make it less swollen

THAT´s what I call "Lost in Translation" ....

Thanks for showing me HOW blonde I am ! lol

Eva

  • From: Southern New Jersey, USA
  • Registered: 2006-04-23
  • Posts: 2,966

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

Eva-It would be #1...now I get it...I guess I'm not so blonde after all, however I was a strawberry-blonde as a baby (a blended color of light red + blonde, just so you don't think my mom smashed strawberries in my hair) lol Have a good weekend &  you are always fun to chat with. wink

eva wrote:

OMG, Angela -

Now we got the next thing going! The stupid speedo-loving blondes lost in translation (well, you´re not blonde, are you?! But at least one of us is blonde....). lol

O.k., how can I expalain this "poultice" thing?! I didn´t know what the German word "Packung" means in English - is it just called "package" or what? I meant the thing in which you keep the shampoo ...... well, so I looked it up in the dictionary and it said "Packung = poultice". The thing I didn´t think about was that the German word has TWO meanings:
1. Packung = the "packaging" of something
2. Packung = poultice = something you put on your skin to make it less swollen

THAT´s what I call "Lost in Translation" ....

Thanks for showing me HOW blonde I am ! lol

Eva

StringsforaCURE~Helping cancer patients one STRING at a time.
http://stringsforacure.com/

Angela's Website

  • Registered: 2006-12-28
  • Posts: 3,742

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

BluesMan wrote:

For the Guys on the Forum:

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since  then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.

Scientists have  discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by  90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake. (Man, how true is THAT?)

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door,
who do you  let in first?
The dog, of course.  He'll shut up once you let him in.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never  be able to support you.

How many men does it  take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it!

How  do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a  sentence with "A man once told me..."

Sorry Ladies,

P.S. I absolutley don't believe in any if these sayings! Well OK, the wedding cake one I believe in, but the rest I don't! lol

Roy

UH OH ROY!!!.....man there really gonna give it to ya now lol ....I'm stayin out of this one....I'll be right back, gotta serve some coffee to Deb in bed   ***wheres my damn apron***...."I COMIN HONEY, YOU DONT HAVE TO YELL AT ME"

Dave

67 Reply by eva

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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

There you go chauvinists lol :

Men are like parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

What do UFO's and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

Why don't men die in their sleep?
Cause they can't do two things at the same time.

How do you scare a man ?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

And last but not least, my favourites:

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.        tongue

Eva

  • From: Kansas
  • Registered: 2007-10-12
  • Posts: 375

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

eva wrote:

There you go chauvinists lol :

Hey women can be chauvinists, too!  I believe the correct nomenclator would be 'male chauvinists'.  tongue

Men are like parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

Ahh perhaps it's just because you aren't looking in the right section.  I guess women's poor driving skills mirror their poor mate seeking abilities....

What do UFO's and caring men have in common?

No matter how many times they are sighted women still don't believe they exist?

You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

Oic.

Why don't men die in their sleep?

Because that isn't manly enough.

Cause they can't do two things at the same time.

Oh.  Meh, I'd rather be very efficient at one thing than multi-task and screw everything up.

How do you scare a man ?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Quoted for truth, because 1/2 of all rice throwing incidents end up with men loosing half their stuff....

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

What about the men that don't prefer blondes?

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.        tongue

I dunno I've heard some pretty lengthy ones...

Eva

Still such a lovely name.
----------------------------------------------------------

Sorry Eva, I just had to.  The inner smartass was begging me to do it.  Plus, these remind me of my High School English teacher that used to say these kind of things in class, so I would always respond and one up her with these kind of responses.  It used to frustrate her to no end because I always used to get the best of her and she could never get one past me.  It's all just good clean fun.

Genießen Sie

Well, the night I was born
Lord I swear the moon turned a fire red

69 Reply by eva (edited by eva 2008-03-14 10:00:35)

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Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

MontiusWinston wrote:
eva wrote:

There you go chauvinists lol :

Hey women can be chauvinists, too!  I believe the correct nomenclator would be 'male chauvinists'.  tongue

Men are like parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

Ahh perhaps it's just because you aren't looking in the right section.  I guess women's poor driving skills mirror their poor mate seeking abilities....

What do UFO's and caring men have in common?

No matter how many times they are sighted women still don't believe they exist?

You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

Oic.

Why don't men die in their sleep?

Because that isn't manly enough.

Cause they can't do two things at the same time.

Oh.  Meh, I'd rather be very efficient at one thing than multi-task and screw everything up.

How do you scare a man ?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Quoted for truth, because 1/2 of all rice throwing incidents end up with men loosing half their stuff....

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

What about the men that don't prefer blondes?

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.        tongue

I dunno I've heard some pretty lengthy ones...

Eva

Still such a lovely name.
----------------------------------------------------------

Sorry Eva, I just had to.  The inner smartass was begging me to do it.  Plus, these remind me of my High School English teacher that used to say these kind of things in class, so I would always respond and one up her with these kind of responses.  It used to frustrate her to no end because I always used to get the best of her and she could never get one past me.  It's all just good clean fun.

Genießen Sie

Monty,

You are both a male chauvinist AND a smartass, but I forgive you because I like you. tongue

Eva

  • From: Benicia, Ca.
  • Registered: 2006-05-08
  • Posts: 5,828

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

eva wrote:

OMG, Angela -

Now we got the next thing going! The stupid speedo-loving blondes lost in translation (well, you´re not blonde, are you?! But at least one of us is blonde....). lol

O.k., how can I expalain this "poultice" thing?! I didn´t know what the German word "Packung" means in English - is it just called "package" or what? I meant the thing in which you keep the shampoo ...... well, so I looked it up in the dictionary and it said "Packung = poultice". The thing I didn´t think about was that the German word has TWO meanings:
1. Packung = the "packaging" of something
2. Packung = poultice = something you put on your skin to make it less swollen

THAT´s what I call "Lost in Translation" ....

Thanks for showing me HOW blonde I am ! lol

Eva

I believe the exact translation would be in the context of the joke, the instructions on the bottle(package) said wash and go. I got the jist of it. Which reminds me, I was in the grocery store the other day and saw a blonde girl staring at the frozen orange juice because the label said concentrate. If any  blondes need assistance just gimme a holler.

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What is success? Is it do yo' own thang, or is it to join the rest?   -Allen Toussaint
  • From: Crystal Lake, Il.
  • Registered: 2006-04-22
  • Posts: 5,120

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

A blonde walks up to the counter:

Blonde: I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet Coke.
Worker: Are you aware that this is a library?
Blonde (in a hushed voice): Oh, I'm sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet Coke.

"Rock ON & Keep the Faith"
  • From: Heading west on 80....
  • Registered: 2006-04-21
  • Posts: 864

Re: Who can tell the best joke?!

In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for  Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.  The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.  "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies.  "So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. "I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and  wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. "Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."   The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why ! on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

“A friend is someone that will help you move............a TRUE friend will help you move the bodies." -- anon